February 29, 2008

Oh God this is funny

This is hilarious


Prison Blues

Americans apparently have a prison fetish. Why do I say that? Because more than 1 out of every 100 American adults are in jail. There are more people in American jails than in Chinese jails - 1.5 million- total, and there are 5.5 times as many citizens.

The thing that is most appalling is that 1 out of 15 black people are in jail and even more sickening, 1 out of every 8 black men between ages 20 and 34 are behind bars, and 3.5 times as many black women age 35 to 39 as white women. Last night I was told that there are more black men in prison than in college.

I'm not sure how to interpret this. Is the system that screwed up? I knew it was fucked when I read last year about the population growth of American jails and the overcrowding in them. But seriously, if a black person is 6 times as likely to go to jail than the average American, something is wrong.


February 27, 2008

The way Al Pacino says "Fuck You"

It's as distinct as the smell that wafts off a computer nerd who hasn't showered in days. It's like a combination of "Fuck you," and "Fock You," and the way Al rattles it off sounds like FuuUUckk You." It's beau-tee-ful. And he always says it the same way in every movie, and he says it in every movie. God talk about a one trick pony. Guy's whole career is really based on the way he can say "fuck you."

Hearing Al Pacino say fuck you makes me want to go to the mall and buy a black Scarface T-shirt that comes down to my knees, and while I'm walking I'm definitely gonna pick up one of those photoshopped pastel psuedo-drawing portraits. That's real art man.

Anyone remember the old days of MTV cribs when Sisqo said, "You gotta have the Scarface in the DVD collection,"?


February 26, 2008

Terri Five-0

There is woman at work named Terri, and very frequently she gets paged over the intercom. some thing like, "Terri five-oh, Terri 5-0." But every time the receptionist says that over the intercom, all I hear is Terry Schiavo. Not the kid from Drew though. The coma lady.

Also sometimes she pages Walter Berk or possibly Berg.


My visit to Georgia Tech

If given the chance- i.e. I haven't actually been officially accepted to GT yet- I will be heading there in the fall. Hopefully sooner.

I could tell you about the program, but you probably wouldn't care. The weather was great. 65 and sunny on Monday. They say it gets hot and humid in the summer, but they also tell me you can play golf year round. Count me in.

Hotlanta + Me = Hotlanta!

The prospect of 4 pro sports teams is great. May be I can get Falcons tickets. Maybe I can get Braves tickets. Georgia Tech has an 82,000 person football stadium and a much smaller basketball stadium. All I'm saying is, admit me, and am I'll be in Atlanta ASAP.


February 22, 2008

The best movie you've never heard of

It's called Glengarry Glen Ross. Maybe you have heard of it It was a box office megabomb (grossed $10M, cost $12M to make) but was critcally well received. Al Pacino, Kevin Spacey, Jack Lemmon, Ed Harris, Alan Arkin, Alec Baldwin and Jonathan Pryce.
Like what you hear so far?

Glengarry Glen Ross is based on a play by David Mamet, and the movie is a lot like a play on screen. The script is like a gift from heaven, and the actors make it sound like a poem or a jazz concert. Al Pacino is the hotshot salesman with a knack for swindling people into buying property they can't afford. Jack Lemmon is the veteran who's fell on a string of bad luck. Ed Harris plays a rogue emloyee who plots to rob the office. Alan Arkin is more of a straight shooter and a yes-man than anything. Kevin Spacey is the hard ass office manager, and Alec Baldwin is a young executive sent by the company presidents to motivate the sales squad. There isn't a single female character. I think that's supposed to show that it's a man's world or whatever.
Some reviews I read on Netflix say that the film will only be interesting to people who find sales and Wall Street and the like interesting. I couldn't disagree more. Glengarry Glen Ross has as universal of a message as anything I've seen. It's about desparate actions in the face of adversity. It's a movie for anyone who works for a living.

Who am I kidding? I don't know what it's about. I know you you should see it though.


February 20, 2008

How Grandma Views the Remote

I found this image on Digg- a great compiler site for internet garbage- the other day. I immediately thought of Grandma being totally baffled by the remote control. This picture has made me laugh uncontrollably.

Last night I was over Jeff's. He was telling me about helping Fleury's mother use a computer. She apparently has never used one. I just got to thinking, what would it be like to not be able to use a computer? Sort of like thinking what it would be like to not be able to read. The mind is a crazy thing, and it seems crazy the older people have such difficulty grasping something as simple as a remote control.


February 18, 2008


It's sad how racist America is, even after all of the trials and tribulations of our country's history. Crash is a movie that emphasizes this, but shows us that with every day we grow a little more as people.

The movie details the lives of numerous people over the course of 36 hours in Los Angeles. A District Attorney and his wife, the trigger-happy LAPD, two carjackers, a convenience store owner, a locksmith, a movie director, their families, and the racial injustices they each face on account of one another. Paul Haggis' direction is really marvelous. He molds each character into full-fleshed human beings from racists and criminals, so mush so that you end up caring about each one of them just as much as the other.

The first day sets up the importance or visibility of race in L.A. Many of the characters appear to be defined by their race. In many cases it seems like these characters' race defines them more than any other aspect of their lives.

At some point during the second day it appears that there is an attempt to turn over a new leaf. Some of them appear to be ready to pay reparations in a way for what they've done wrong. Each character goes through something very personal which is why each person undergoes this transformation.

But just when it appears that all is going to end well, many of them return to their old habits, very much like a battle with an addiction. And it's upsetting because, well, racisim is upsetting.

Somewhere on Netflix someone wrote that the ending is climactic. It isn't. At the end we get the sense that not everyone has changed but we are left with hope. Hope that tomorrow will be a better day for the people in this country. Hope that we can eventually all live together in peace.

Oh almost forgot. Tony Danza makes an epic cameo. Relatively.


Charles Barkley...sigh...

I am a huge Charles Barkley fan as in, I think he's hilariously dumb. I just watched this video on YouTube where he is interviewed by CNN about politics.

WTF? Why the hell is anyone interested in his opinion on anything other than basketball or food. Complete video is below followed by my favorite retarded moments.

"I'm rich like a Republican. I've never voted for a Republican. I'm actually an Independent. I supported John Edwards last time."

"Whoever the president is, he's gonna have tons of advisers. It ain't like the president get to make decisions on his own."

"The word 'conservative' makes me stick to my stomach."

"I'm gonna vote Democratic no matter what!"

Charles: I promise you I will run for Governor of Alabama in 2014.
Wolf: And when will you run for Governor?
Charles: Explains rules for being governor of Alabama

"They're not supposed to judge people but their the most hypcritical judge o' people we have in this country, and it bugs the hell outta me..."

"They can't do anything to me. I don't work for them."

They should read the part about where they're not supposed to judge other people."


February 17, 2008

All-Star Festivities

Fred just told me he thought the Dunk Contest was lame. WHAT?!

Unfortunately this video didn't even show the best dunk, where Howard caught tapped the ball off the backboard with his left hand then dunked it with his right.

Jason Kapono won the 3-point contest. As someone wrote on a message board on ESPN, he'll probably keep playing 10 minutes a game.

I watched about 10 minutes total of the actual game, because Breaking Bad, my new favorite show was on (Sundays 10:00, AMC). I read that LeBron James was MVP. Lame. This is what happens when you let people vote for this stuff. They probably could've just given him the trophy at the beginning of the season.

Anyways, just 30 more games before the NBA is interesting again.


February 15, 2008

A post from Ted's blackberry

Ted got gay new blackberry and has been showing it off like a real homo. So now we're in this sweet mexican joint and I decided to post this. Service here is great.



February 14, 2008

Who gives a fuck about an Oxford comma?

Just got the self-titled album by the band Vampire Weekend. Listened to it three times today it's so good. I can't describe how much I love this album. Laid back, melodic. It's great. Get it as soon as you possibly can.


February 13, 2008

Semantic Satiation?

You will get it after reading this Wikipedia entry about why "Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo" is a grammatically correct sentence. Thanks to Baseball Toaster for the link.


The past few days I've watched too many movies

A Sunday followed + being home sick on a Monday = lots of movies watched.

On Sunday I watched Stand By Me. I was expecting a little more because in 10th grade Dave Deyette told me it was his favorite movie. Notwithstanding, I thought it was a good flick. Four young boys go on an adventure to find the body of a dead kid who had been hit by a train. The acting by the young stars was way ahead of their years. River Phoenix, Corey Feldman, Jerry O'Connell and Will Wheaton were magnificent. John Cusack and Keifer Sutherland also have roles, and I think the face of Jack Bauer really kept me from loving this movie. I just couldn't get over the fact that even as a kid, Keifer Sutherland only played badass characters. Anyways great movie. See it.
Monday morning I watched Carlito's Way, starring Al Pacino as a Puerto Rican ex-gangster Carlito Brigante, fresh out of jail and looking to right his path and stay clean. But at every corner his past was haunting him, trying to drag him back into a life of crime. Sean Penn is terrific and nearly unrecognizable as Carlito's coke-head lawyer Dave Kleinfeld. Penelope Ann Miller plays Carlito's former lover Gail, he desperately wants what Carlito wants, a clean life free of drugs, violence and crime. One scene that reveals so much of their past and foreshadows his future involves Carlito and Gail arguing over why he has to help Dave break one of his clients out of prison. Carlito smashes the bathroom mirror with his hand. Gail helps him wipe the blood away and says, "This is the last time I clean your blood off of you." Viggo Mortnesen's very brief role was great as well. Another "See it."

I slept about 3 hours Monday afternoon and then watched Super Size Me, the documentary of Morgan Spurlock's 30 day McDonald's binge. I wanted to puke so much watching him eat all that garbage. It made a lot of points about how dastardly the food industry is (I work in it), how despicable the lobbyists are, and about how America's kids eat so poorly in school. Not to mention how fat Americans are. You can't help but cringe when the images of women's cellulite-infested asses are shown. Barf. See it.

Finally last night I watched Misery. Kathy Bates was horrifying, even more horrifying than her nude scene in About Schmidt. And that was severely fucking disturbing. Her ability to go from sweet to weird to crazy to possessed was incredible. I think I may have prayed for James Caan while I watched. And the scene where she "hobbles" him by bashing his ankles with a sledge hammer made me sweat. See it.


Movie Drinking Games

I just found this site that has a pretty huge collection of drinking game rules for many movies


February 12, 2008

ESPN, you make my heart cry

Maybe I should've known what I was getting when I decided to rent The Bronx is Burning on Netflix. Has ESPN ever made a worthwhile TV show? Of course not, although Archer will try to convince you that Playmakers was good (haven't seen it yet). But then again, who wouldn't love a show where the main character is a pain-killer-addicted Omar Gooding. Yes Omar Gooding from Wild and Crazy Kids.
Really the only reason I liked The Bronx is Burning is because it was about the Yankees. Other than that, the show was trash. 8 episodes is too little time to cram that whole year into, especially when way too much time is being spent on Son of Sam and NYC mayoral elections. I was so happy when they finally caught David Berkowitz, because it meant that some air time would actually be devoted to the 1977 baseball season.

What really upset me, which I know is classic ESPN fashion, was the hideous use of authentic footage at all the wrong times. It's OK when you are showing scenes of people looting stores during the blackout of 1977, but it's not OK when you want to put Daniel Sunjata (as Reggie Jackson) on top of scenes of fans in the stands. It made the whole thing look a lot less authentic. Which leads me to my next point. Why were there some moments when it appeared that the video editor had used Microsoft Movie Maker in order to [poorly] make the video quality look old and worn, and other times when the quality looked like The Revenge of the Sith, THX Lucasfilm shit? Bush League.
The show is about the tumultuous bizarro love triangle of Billy Martin, Reggie Jackson, and George Steinbrenner. Unfortunately, none of the other team members were developed enough. There were many hints at possible side-plots, but none of them were ever seen through.

Argh. I was incredibly disappointed by this. I rated it three stars on Netflix only because I love the Yankees. Maybe I would've appreciated it more if I'd lived through it.

I geuss we'll just throw this one in the bargain bin with the likes of Tilt and that movie about Dale Earnhardt.


The 50th Post

This is the 50th Post. Yea!


The Office vs. The Office

I've seen all 12 episodes of the original, BBC version of The Office, all of what was made besides the 2-hour special that came out after the series ended, and I've seen about 85-90% of the episodes of the American version. The American version is probably one of my favorite shows to date. Pity only half of this season's episodes have been made.

Pretty much everyone knows that the American version was based on the UK version, and the pilot for the American was created directly from an episode of the British. Despite their similarities, the shows are immensely different.

First off, the British wit of the UK version of the Office is what I would typically expect from the Britons: dry. There were plenty of times when I wasn't even sure if I was supposed to laugh at something. A lot of the punchlines are muttered and if you aren't paying close attention, you might miss something. On the other hand, the NBC version is mostly up-front jokes, obviously because the Brits are a much smarter breed than us.

The UK version and the American version (first three seasons) more or less have the same storyline. The UK version is about 40 episodes less however. This comes at the expense of side character development (where are the Creeds and Stanleys of the BBC version) and pop-culture references. These are some of the most important aspects of the American Office.

The UK version is much more awkward, and in a way, painful. The boss, David Brent played by Ricky Gervais is incredibly lost. Much like Michael Scott in the American version, he is offensive to almost everyone and yet totally unaware of it. David Brent though, is almost never lovable like Steve Carrell's character. Most of the time I wanted to punch him in the face, to put him out of his misery and to spare the sanity of everyone else.

Garreth Keenan, the British equivalent of Dwight Schrute is pretty hilarious.
I guess he's a more believable character than Dwight. I mean, I don't think a person like Dwight exists, at least not as a part of the work force. Garreth's sexual innuendos lack any innuendo. He is blatant and stupid and the result if pure comedy. One instance is at the bar one night after work. Garreth has been making out with some woman all night, and eventually he asks who the chap is theat's been staring at them the whole time. The woman says it's her husband and they want to bring Garreth home. Garreth's response is pure gold and I will paraphrase: "No way. Maybe if it were two women but definitely not two guys." GENIUS!And that smirk that David Brent has on his face the whole time is pretty creepy.

The American Office has one vitally important thing that the British Office doesn't: Jenna Fischer. Sorry UK, Dawn is gross. Pam is hot.

If I had to pick one, my completely biased decision would be the American version, but that might just be because that's the one I watched first and came to love.

You can read all about the history of the show on Wikipedia.


February 11, 2008

This man's name is Max Irving

I was talking to Max last night about how LA is. He told me he met Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon, and that now he's going by Max Irving, so if you see him in a movie someday and then see his name is Max Irving, laugh at him.

I think it's bloody hysterical


February 10, 2008

I finally got to ski

I went skiing with Matt yesterday at Ski Sundown in New Hartford. I've wanted to go skiing since last winter, and it was the first time I've been since I snowboarded on a ski trip in 8th grade.

I am incredibly, but not surprisingly, sore today.

Skiing was so much fun. I actually wasn't too bad and for the most part felt really in control. I spent a good amount of time on the bunny slopes and after I did that a few times without falling, I went up to the summit for a litter green circle action. The trail was mostly flat until the end when it got really steep. I tried that steep part 5 times over the course of the day and sadly never made it down without falling at least twice.

I'm excited to go again. If anyone wants to go, let me know and we'll hook it up.

In unrelated news, when I got home I ordered Chinese for dinner and paid the delivery man from Momo-Taro with $4 in change. HAHA.

Type rest of the post here


February 8, 2008

Mitt Romney: Republican Party savior?

Yesterday Mitt Romney...

Wait a second. What the hell kind of a name is Mitt? He must be a Mor-mung. His son's name is Tagg which is equally weird. His father's name is George which is a pretty normal name.

Anyways, yesterday Mitt Romney gave the Republican party a huge leg up on the Presidential election by throwing his hat out of the ring into the stands like the Rock right before delivering "The People's Elbow." That's right, Big Mitt is out of the race. Now John McCain is the Republican nominee-apparent unless Tenet can gather some support for Ron Paul by publicly announcing their endorsement. Just remember, Ron Paul is a psychopath.

This move could potentially be terrible for the Democrats. Obama v. Hillary has a long course to run before we even have any idea who will be the nominee. For the time being, McCain will be like a baseball bat-wielding maniac attacking babies in the nursery ward of an empty hospital. Totally unopposed, he will be able to bludgeon them like Rudy Giuliani bludgeoned the poor.
Conservatives hate John McCain because he's too moderate. But don't think that Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter are heading to the polls and voting for Hillary Clinton. I'm hoping that this Democratic race wraps itself sooner than later because the longer it goes, the better the chances are that we'll have Republican in office for 4 more years and we'll be in Iraq for another 10. I'm all for Obama, but I'd rather see Hillary win soon than Obama win in August. I think there's a better chance for a Clinton/Obama ticket than an Obama/Clinton ticket anyways, even though I'd like Obama/Richardson the best I think.


February 7, 2008

2 hours and 45 minutes of my life spent scratching my head

This is really what I was doing most of the time while watch Once Upon A Time In the West last night. First of all the move was way too long. So much of it was spent in a silence, characters making very slow, subtle movements. Suspense that never paid off.

I didn't have the foggiest idea what was happening almost any of the time. The plot was very complicated, so much so that even by the end, you don't really have a clue of why any of what you just watched happened.

The only redeeming quality was the epic scenery (most of the film was shot in Arizona and Texas I believe).

I wouldn't recommend this unless you are a Westerns buff. If you are, please recommend some for me.

Type rest of the post here


February 6, 2008

As far back as I can remember

I saw Goodfellas last night. I'm pretty sure I was the last person on the planet to see it. I'm not even going to review it because everyone has already seen it. I feel like a great weight has been lifted.


February 5, 2008

Super Tuesday

Today's been a crazy day. I've never felt so down at work. Since I woke up this morning, it's been like a huge weight has been pressing down on me. I've had no energy all day and I've felt extremely pessimistic. The weight's name is Watson Inc. I've never felt so much anxiety about this job, and wanted to be here so little. I'm sick of this place. What a massive drain this job has been on me today. I've wanted to leave since around 10 am (at that point I'd only been here for an hour and a half) and the hours have dragged on since then. I can't believe it's only 3:30.

A couple things have happened this week and last week that are making yearn for grad school so much. Last week I spent the majority of the week using a make-believe test to determine a certain something of a certain something. Monday, half my work had been erased from my computer and then other half was done (supposedly) incorrectly. Now when i say incorrectly I mean to my boss's liking. What a stickler for details!

I hate this job. If I didn't need the money I don't know what I'd do. I'm just tired of spending all day being miserable about being here. It's not healthy, and it certainly doesn't help me get through the day. I can't wait until April 15th (give or take a few days). My contract at this God forsaken place will be up and I'll know which school I'm going to.

Anyone got any jobs you can give me?


February 4, 2008

The best football game I've ever seen

Super Bowl XLII will no doubt go down in history as one of the greatest games of all time. I can only think of one other game, the 2006 Rose Bowl between Texas and Southern California. But that game was missing one crucial factor, defense. Both the Giants and the Patriots played tremendous defense, which probably goes without saying since the score was 7-3 after 3 quarters.

Super Bowl XLII was epic on every level.

So many great stories came out of this game. Eli Manning finally got out of his brother's shadow. The Giants' pass rush was absolutely dominant. The best QB in the NFL struggled. Randy Moss was silenced by a backup. Michael Strahan and Amani Toomer finally got their rings. The dreams of 19-0 came crashing down in just 60 minutes.The most overlooked aspect was the great tackling by both teams. How many times did New England run that HB screen to Lawrence Maroney, or a short pass to Wes Welker (who've made names for themselves through their ability to break tackless) only to see it shut down for a short gain? How many times did a Giants receiver make a catch just shy of the line to gain, only to be shut down by Rodney Harrison short of the first down? Tackling is so important in the super bowl because of the level of talent of most of the offensive players. Maroney was able to run wild on San Diego and Jacksonville but the Giants held him to just 36 yards on the ground. It was plays like Sam Madison's shoe string tackle on Kevin Faulk that were such a huge factor.

Tackling is what won the game for the Giants, especially tackling Brady in the backfield 5 times.

When the Pats had the ball with 4 minutes to go and threatening to score I thought the game was over. I thought the Giants were going to have to use all their timeouts before the Pats did the inevitable and put it in the endzone. Even when the Giants took over with 2:30 to go, I didn't think they'd pull it off, until the play of the game happened. I'm not sure which end was more spectacular, Eli evading five guys, and staying on his feet long enough to get outside the pocket, or David Tyree's insane catch using only one hand and his helmet.
I'm glad the Giants won. I'm glad the Patriots lost and their perfect season went down the shitter. More than anything, I'm glad I got to watch an amazing football game.

P.S. I didn't really care for Tom Petty. I'm a fan by all means, but I thought he was boring and unoriginal.


Your favorite Super Bowl commercials

Which Super Bowl commercials were your favorites? Mine were:

The Audi ad with the scene straight out of The Godfather introducing this incredibly sexy Audi.

The Planters cashews commercial with the unibrow chick who with the cashew fetish.

A Saab commercial (possibly Audi) with a screaming squirrel, Alice Cooper, and Richard Simmons.

E-Trade had that one with this vomiting baby.And I can't forget that Victoria's Secret ad with this sexy lady.

Post your favorites here.


February 3, 2008

Hate to say I told you so...

...but I told you so.

The best offensive line in the game was manhandled.

The best QB in the game was outplayed.

The best coaching staff in the game was outcoached.

The best team won.


Balloon creations

This site is awesome. Pictures of awesome balloon creations like a clown makes. My favorites are the Snow White costume and the thing with all the hands.


The Third Hike

Jeff put a link to this video in a recent comment and I thought everyone should see it.


February 1, 2008

"Care for a little necrophilia?"

If you've seen 12 Monkeys, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, or Monty Python, you've seen something made by Terry Gilliam. I had no clue who he was until about 5 minutes ago. If you haven't seen Brazil, you are missing out. It's a dark comedy about a dystopian future society filled with red tape and bureaucracy.

Man seems to have lost all sense of responsibility. Every action is determined by a strict set of rules and paperwork - which of course must be filled out in the proper manner. In society's quest to perfect living, they have seemed to only make things more error prone, but the characters refuse to believe that mistakes are possible. One error, caused by a bug falling into a printing press of sorts actually leads to a man's execution. People only seem to be held accountable for maintaining inconsequential pleasantries.

People are terrified by the threat of terrorist attacks, but explosions are so commonplace people don't seem to mind them. My God, there were so many explosions. Steve and I hypothesized that the producers had money left over in their budget and decided to blow some shit up.

The main character, Sam Lowry, played by Jonathan Pryce, is an aimless member of this society. He's content with his mid-level job with the Ministry of Information, and isn't inspired to become anything. His only dreams are the ones he has while asleep, but these start to blend with real life and eventually become his real-life aspirations.
It's a pretty typical post-modern society like 1984 or The Matrix where everything is run by a central entity. It also reminded me of Fight Club. Lowry's hopes to escape the monster that is Brazil requires him to reject all of the systematization and documentation in order to escape and find out the truth about himself.

It's one of those movies where you really have to think a lot. Everything is symbolic in some way, and analyzing all of it while keeping track of myriad characters can be daunting at times. It is almost a good idea to pause it a couple times to discuss what the hell has been happening.

Robert DeNiro has a bit part as a renegade heating engineer. Boivin and I found ourselves yearning for more of him.I loved it because it made me laugh, and left me thinking. I would recommend it to most people.